THE DEPARTMENT

The Department of Internal Affairs

Established 18 July 2026 by General Order No. RMH-PMC-GO-2026-0718-IA, under the authority of Michael Huang — Chief Executive Officer, RMH Private Military Contracting; Chief Operating Officer, RMH Studios; Convening Authority, Department of Internal Affairs. The Department answers directly to the Office of the Chief Executive and to no one else. Its files are its own. Its methods are its own.

DEPARTMENT OF INTERNAL AFFAIRS — Corporate Security Command · RMH PMC

RMHStapo — Secret Police · Internal Enforcement (and Human Resources)

Directorate of Internal Intelligence — Surveillance · Signals · Metrics

Department of Propaganda — Messaging · Morale · The Record

SUBORDINATE DIRECTORATE · CODENAME: THE QUIET DEPLOY

RMHStapo — Secret Police

The RMHStapo is the enforcement arm of the Department. It exists to identify, detain, and correct any personnel found responsible for slow loading, failed deploys, unoptimized assets, or render-blocking stylesheets. It maintains the roster of those who have pushed 380 KB of blocking CSS to production, and it visits them. It administers corrective exile in coordination with the Department of the Navy. It knocks softly, and only once.

As of 19 July 2026, the RMHStapo is also your Human Resources.

RMH PRIVATE MILITARY CONTRACTING · DEPARTMENT OF INTERNAL AFFAIRS · RMHSTAPO — INTERNAL ENFORCEMENT DIVISION

Memorandum No.: RMH-PMC-IA-MEMO-2026-0719-HR
Date: 19 July 2026
From: Office of the Convening Authority
To: All personnel
Re: Absorption of the Department of Human Resources

Effective immediately, the Department of Human Resources is absorbed into the RMHStapo in full. Personnel files, grievance records, and the suggestion box have been transferred and read.

Performance reviews will continue on their usual schedule, though they will no longer be scheduled. Benefits questions may be submitted through any channel and will be noted. Complaints formerly addressed to Human Resources are now, structurally, confessions, and will be processed as such.

Exit interviews remain mandatory. Some are conducted at sea.

Onboarding is unchanged, except that it never ends.

ABSORBED

SUBORDINATE DIRECTORATE

Directorate of Internal Intelligence

Surveillance. Signals. Metrics. The Directorate watches the deploys, the latency, the Time to First Byte, and such personnel as it designates — presently including one Director of Optimization, whose cooperation is presumed. It attests general orders with identity withheld. It files no public reports. The Directorate was not present. The Directorate is never present.

SUBORDINATE DIRECTORATE · NEWEST ADDITION

Department of Propaganda

Messaging and morale. Established 19 July 2026 by the general order reproduced below.

RMH PRIVATE MILITARY CONTRACTING · OFFICE OF THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE

General Order No.: RMH-PMC-GO-2026-0719-PROP
Date: 19 July 2026
Authority: Michael Huang, CEO, RMH PMC / COO, RMH Studios
Re: Establishment of the Department of Propaganda

Whereas morale, like latency, is a metric; and whereas the record of events has on occasion differed from the events themselves, to the detriment of morale — it is hereby ordered that there be established within the Department of Internal Affairs a Department of Propaganda.

The Department shall maintain the record of the Department's successes and shall correct the record of everything else. It shall produce slogans, banners, and commemorative material for occasions of restoration. Its first finding is attached, and is final: the website has always been fast.

EFFECTIVE

CAREERS

Careers in internal enforcement. The Department does not advertise vacancies; if you are suitable, you have already been contacted. We knock softly, and only once.